Savoring Summer Series: Week 4
Don’t forget to include the kids!
Over the years I have found that I don’t need to “do it all” myself when it comes to coming up with summer experiences for my family, getting ready to go on trips, and maintaining basic cleanliness in our home. Instead of feeling like I have to hold “it” all for everyone I have found ways to involve my kids with some of these responsibilities. It feels better for all of us. Here are three ways I have found success in handing over responsibility to my children during summer that allow me to savor this time a little bit more.
1. The Summer Wishlist
Once summer has established some roots, rhythm, and routine (ooh, I like the sound of that) which is usually at about the midway mark, right about now in fact, I start to feel like it’s going to go by in the blink of an eye. This is the perfect time, in my opinion, to create a summer wishlist with the kids.
We sit down at the table with a blank sheet of paper and each person gets a turn to share 1-3 do-able summer wishes. Items that might come up include: going out for breakfast at the local diner, a summer movie matinee at the cinema, a trip to visit friends in a neighboring city, berry picking and jam making, camping out in the backyard and roasting marshmallows. The list might look very different in your family but you get the idea.
Often these are things we enjoy doing with each other once a year during summer vacation. The act of making the summer wishlist gives everyone a turn to be heard, relives fond summer memories, and engages the kids in the process of creating summer family fun. It also lessens the “why didn’t we, their family gets to, we never get to” that you might hear at the end of summer. It’s a great way to also talk about family values, priorities, and intentions. This will be our 4th year of creating a summer wishlist.
What I have noticed over the years is that the things that stick out for the kids as the most fun and that they want to repeat are simple and about being together. Getting our first ice cream cone of the season, having a picnic dinner on the beach, visiting their Grandparents, and kayaking with friends.
2. Send your kids packin’
Their own suitcases, of course! This one involves trust and handing over responsibility to your children over time as they are ready. However, what I have found is that my kids have always been more than capable of packing their own stuff for trips. And, I am happier for it!
Here are a few tips for success:
Give your kids ample time to get the job done. This is definitely not a last minute thing. Have them pack the day before so you can cross it off your list.
Give them a simple to follow list. For example: 3 short sleeved shirts, 2 shorts, 4 underwear, etc. If they are pre-reading, draw it out. Try not to use too many words either way, until they are older, so they don’t get overwhelmed or distracted. Tell them to come ask you if they are unsure about anything. Don’t forget the extras, like 1 toothbrush, 1 toothpaste, 1 stuffed animal, 2 books, etc.
When they run off to play and before you give their bag the final zip up you definitely want to double check their work. :) Let them know how helpful it is to have them take this off your plate.
For some reason, packing their own bags has never been met with opposition in our house. I feel optimistic that this will be the case for you too. I believe it is similar to our adult desire to choose what we bring along. To pick what we deem to be our favorite and most comfortable, familiar items to have with us when we go out into the world. It’s comforting to know what we will find when we open our suitcase in this new place rather than being surprised to find that green, striped shirt we can’t stand or no Bobo Bear at bedtime. So, hand over the responsibility next time, with the three tips above, and send those kids packin’!
3. Chores
My guess is this word brings back some memories and not all of them positive. When I was growing up, there came a summer when a chore list appeared. My mom informed my little brother and I that this summer we must complete our chores everyday before we could leave the house. End of story. She gave us some basic directions on how to complete the tasks and sent us on our way. My mom is the kindest woman but you don’t mess with her. I remember really not liking this new addition to summer. I would like to propose a re-frame of the dreaded summer chore list and offer some suggestions to changing the way your kids approach their new responsibilities.
Reframe #1: Chores are something you can do to contribute to your home environment and family community.
The family home is usually our children’s first experience of community participation.
Suggestions:
You can read or re-read the Little House on the Prairie series to put it into perspective. I’m only half joking here. My daughter just completed a LHOP summer camp this week and she LOVED it. They basically did chores all day but it was in the spirit of play and discovery. How can you reframe the way you approach and talk about doing housework so that it isn’t seen as drudgery? Maybe us adults could find small ways to make it, dare I say, fun. Our kids pick up on our cues all the time. I have recently gotten excited about feng shui again. I'm keeping it simple; focusing on small bits of color and elements to add to each bagua. What’s a bagua you say? You can find out more about the ancient art of feng shui at your local library or book store.
Sit down with your kids and let them list out ways they can lend a hand. If you start this practice young enough there is often enthusiasm as they realize how much they really can do. Help them (if they need it) to make a chore list of their own. My reader/writer wrote the words out on his own (with misspellings) and drew some simple pictures for his younger (pre-reading) sister. They hung it with pride on the fridge.
The main thing is to show them what a difference it makes when we all come together to clean and beautify our space. Vocalize the difference you notice after a family chore hour. I bet they feel great somewhere inside their little bodies (even if they don’t show it) knowing they contributed to their family home and community.
Reframe #2: Chores are a great way to start learning about money.
When my kids complete their chores for the week without me having to remind them too many times I give them a small allowance. They can spend the money however they would like. The first time it was immediately! Then they started discussing other ideas with each other. How long it would take to earn enough for a new lego set and, wow, those cost a lot. Could they wait that long? Sometimes they would ask if they could earn a little more by taking on some extra chores in the house or yard. Your kids may become budding entrepreneurs. Next up lemonade stands, mowing the neighbor’s lawns, babysitting, and paper routes.
Reframe #3: Chores teach our kids the skills involved in home and yard care.
Participating in the upkeep of the home shows our children all that is involved. I let them choose what they would like to do so there is more chance of them actually fulfilling their end of the bargain. I let them know how much their contribution matters to the house as a whole. And, I notice them noticing how nice it looks and feels when the house gets swept, dusted, and picked up regularly. Energy gets shifted and activated when you sweep out those corners and pick up the clutter. It’s noticeable. Letting kids learn and participate in how to create a healthy home environment is a life skill they will have forever.
Suggestions:
Put some music on. This gets the energy moving too and makes cleaning more fun.
Let picking fresh flowers be a chore too. It’s nice to have fresh little bouquets around the house.
Put some essential oil in the diffuser, spray an E.O. room spray, or burn incense to create a mood or intention in your space.
If you’ve already tried chores and it didn’t stick try one of the above reframes and suggestions and give it another shot. It’s never too late to begin or to begin differently.
Say “no” to doing it all
Finding ways to hand over responsibility to our kids is empowering for them and develops some strong boundary making muscles in us. Because you really don’t have to do it all. It will take patience, practice and trust but in the end your kids will learn valuable life skills and you will have a chance to put your feet up every once in a while and savor your summer a whole lot more. So, how can your kids help you out this week? I would love to hear how it goes in the comments below.