Savoring Summer Series: Week 3

Keepin’ it simple

Take a moment to remember summer as a kid. I grew up in the ‘70s and I remember my mom kicking us outside every day (after we had done our chores of course—more on that later) to go find our own fun. Our days were spent in make believe, on each other’s swing sets, bikes, roller skates, or porches when it rained (lip syncing to Olivia Newton-John). My mom planned zero percent of this fun.Keeping it simple allows for spontaneous ways to wow your kids. Keeping expectations low means that there is room for awe and wonder when you make a shift from the ordinary to extra-ordinary.Here are some tips for practicing simplicity:

1. Pick a few priorities for the summer

Often we head into summer with a bucket list of things we want to do and get done. Or we have an expectation for how we want to feel or a value we want to instill in our family. Take a moment now to check in with yourself and either look at this list (if it already exists) or write it down. When you read it to yourself, how does it feel? Can you scale it back to one feeling or value to infuse your summer with? Or, can you prioritize the big list to what feels manageable, fun, and realistic.

For instance, maybe your priority is taking weekly trips to the local library to support your kids’ summer reading hours. Or maybe you want to spend time in a wild spot, on a rocky beach or in the woods, at least four times over the summer. Maybe it’s picking berries and fruit as they come in season at the farms in your region. Maybe it’s sharing meals at regular BBQs and creating community around backyard bonfires.

Choose whatever speaks to you most this summer. Think about where your family is at in this moment in time. Don’t worry about that one item that didn’t happen last year or every other year in the past but that you see others doing and why can’t your family make it happen already?! Be authentic. Get truthful. Scale it down to just a few items. Be realistic.

2. Practice the art of letting go

Let go of the shoulds. We should be experiencing this, we should be taking this lesson or that, we should be having outdoor adventurers, or traveling to exotic places, or whatever your should happens to be. Not filling your time with shoulds allows for possibility, magic, and an ability to say “yes” to what you really want to do. Try releasing your grip on your to-do list.

Stopping to eat a popsicle in the grass might be the best way to bring connection and play into your relationship with your kids (if this is your intention). Letting go is an act of surrender. Surrendering to the moment and walking away from what needs to get done next often creates more quality time later. For instance, when I choose to stop what I’m doing to read a book to my kids I notice that they are able to go off and sustain creative play together for longer periods of time without needing to interrupt me as often. That means I have more focused time (guilt-free) to do my work. We’re all happier and filled up by the pause of connection. What can you let go of today to allow for a meaningful or spontaneous pause? How do you notice your focus improving when you release your hold on the quantity and raise the quality of your time?

3. Let your kids get bored

With all this simplifying and letting go of to-dos, distractions, and structured time, won’t your kids get restless? Maybe, but that can be a wonderful thing. Somewhere along the parenting journey I heard these words: “Boredom is the precursor to creativity.” I agree with them wholeheartedly. Children have deep wells of creativity in them, especially if we restrain from trying to fill them all the time. So here’s what to do when your kids announce they are bored. First off, don’t react. Don’t panic or rush to fix it. Allow space for new possibilities. Time and time again my kids come up with their next days-long game when I let them sit in the discomfort of their own boredom. I remember back to feeling bored on long hot summer days. If I was French I would have dramatically called it ennui. Flopping on the couch with my tan lines and declaring my boredom to my mom as if it was her job to fix it. Luckily she never did. She gave my brother and I two options:

1. Go outside. And

2. I’ve got something for you to do (read: CHORES!).

I might have grumbled a bit but I changed my tune pretty quick and always found my own fun. React with glee the next time they frump up to you with those dreaded words. Let them know you have total faith in their imaginative capabilities. They will begin to believe it too. If you don’t want to succumb to screen time: don’t. They will survive. And they will be developing new muscles. Another route is to post a sign in your communal space like this one a fellow mom told me about:

B. (be creative),

O. (outside play),

R. (read a book),

E. (exercise your body),

D. (do some chores).

She simply points to the sign when she hears the word. The main thing here is to give the responsibility back to your children. Empower them to find their own fun. When they do this on their own they stay in the play for much longer and deeper than when it’s your idea.

Go forth and simplify

Simplicity brings a sense of spaciousness to our lives. Space to do what really matters to us. And, most importantly, space for being rather than constant doing. Summer is the perfect time to refill our well of being.I would love to hear how you go with this. What can you do this week to simplify summer and create space for more of what you really want?